February 14, 2006
My Oh My!
Usually during Valentine’s Season, I’d receive a polite invitation for a date—either from a friend or from some acquaintance in need of romantic activity. But I’ve never said my “yes” to anyone ever. Not even to the guy I’ve been crushing on for two years. I’ve mastered the art of planting excuses, from “I’m watching over my five siblings tonight” to “This is the only time I’ve got to tidy up my room.” My friends pester me for this but I’m incorrigible. And I do this not because I’m playing hard-to-get. The reason is far simpler than that: I’m totally clueless about the entire dating business.Call me obsolete, but I never really learned how to conduct myself in a dating situation. Everything’s just too problematic for me. What clothes should I wear? And make-up? I don’t even know how to apply make-up! What sorts of things do we talk about? Politics, the weather, Britney Spears? If he talks too much, will I ever muster my patience? If on the other hand he blends with the furniture, how do I get him to speak up? How about the food, won’t he be terrified with my intense appetite? What if he gets too mushy and tries to kiss me or holds my hands? Should I slap him or shout for help?
So you see, going out with another person ALONE isn’t really my idea of fun. I worry too much that I might not even make it out our front door alive. So if somebody asks me out again next time, he might as well know what to expect. Either I’ll be out on an urgent errand for my mom or I have an infectious disease that he wouldn’t want to go down with.
